Once there was a young man that survived a terrible plane crash and was lost in a forest. He had no idea where he was or which way to go. He wandered for days and survived on berries and twigs. He was much too slow to catch any kind of animal and couldn't even start a fire. He should have joined the boy scouts when he was younger.

After two week of wondering he found a three story house with smoke coming out of the chimney. Without hesitation he knocked on the door. A little old man answered the door. He had a long white beard that hung almost to the floor. "Please, I need some food and shelter," said the young man.

"This I will give you but you must promise not to fool with my lovely daughter," the old man replied. "Thank you, and I wouldn't think of messing with your daughter," said the visitor. "For if you do," said the old man, " I will inflict the three most gruesome Chinese torture tests that have ever been devised."

The man, too weak, agreed to this, thinking no woman could arouse him in his weakened state. After a shower and some sleep, the guest went downstairs to eat. A grand dinner was set up and the man sat to eat. The old man's daughter entered the room and to great surprise of the young man, she was most beautiful, so beautiful that the man could hardly tear his eyes away from her during the meal.

Later that night the man crept into the girls room just to take one last look at her for he promised to leave early the next morning with a map the old man gave him. When he opened the door, he saw the girl was awake and to his surprise, she ushered him in.

Well, being stuck in a forest with just your father doesn't suppress all urges so one thing lead to another. They were as quiet as possible not to wake the old man. After a few hours, the young man crept to his room thinking that any torture would be worth what he had just done. He fell asleep thinking of her.

When he awoke, he felt an enormous chest pain. As he opened his eyes, he saw a rock on his chest with a sign on it. It said:

1st Chinese torture, 100 pound rock on chest!

Well this wasn't hardly what the man thought would rate as torture and threw the rock out the window. As he did this he saw a second sign just outside the window it said:

2nd Chinese torture, left testicle tied to 100 pound rock!

Without hesitation, the young man jumped out the window knowing a 3-story drop would be far better than what was in store for him.

As he fell to the ground he saw a large sign on the ground. It said: