David Letterman's Top Ten Signs
You're at a Bad Hospital

#10. You go in for routine surgery, and you come out with a tail.

#9. Most of the medical equipment bears the Wham-O logo.

#8. The PA keeps paging "Dr. Jack Daniels" and "Dr. Jim Beam".

#7. They don't care about Blue Cross, they just want the keys to your car.

#6. You notice the framed diplomas are all signed by Sally Struthers.

#5. The Orderly keeps calling you "Spot" and checking you for ticks.

#4. You recognize your doctor as the kid who was mopping the lobby when you checked in.

#3. You protest that a can of Dr. Pepper isn't medicine and they say, "It's not?"

#2. Every couple of minutes, you hear a bugle playing taps.

#1. As you're going under, you hear the surgeon say, "Man, am I toasted..."

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